Like Falling In Love
by DeejayMil
Summary: Kate was gone. And she'd taken a part of him with her, a part of all of them. It felt as though she'd reached in and physically ripped a hole in his chest, exposing him for the entire world to see.  TONY ANGST, slight Tate, but that wasn't planned


**I DON'T OWN NCIS OR THE CHARACTERS.**

**This is my first attempt at fanfiction. Don't hesitate to let me know of any errors in my spelling or grammer, or anything that just doesn't sound right. Also, I'm an Aussie and NCIS, unfortunately, is not, so I apologize ahead of time fir anything that I've Australianised. **

**Anyway, I really hope to hear back from you guys, especially some constructive criticism! **

**XxX_Babygirl_XxX**

**A/N Italics are dialogue from the TV series, if you want to know what episodes, PM me. The last set of Italics, the ones that are underlined, are not from the show though, they're Tony's dream. Hope it makes a little more sense now.**

* * *

"_Tony, you can't bond with your captor in a couple of hours."_

"_I don't know, maybe it's like falling in love. It can happen (snaps fingers) like that"_

Tony DiNozzo stumbled into his apartment, and fell onto his couch. Normally immaculate in his attire, his expensive suit was uncharacteristically soiled. Damp with sweat and splattered with stains across the collar, it was a state of dress he would normally die rather than be caught in.

But today, he made no effort to tidy himself up. Instead he lay slumped, staring at the blank TV. His face, so normally filled with energy and humor, was expressionless. His eyes were empty, devoid of any life. He looked like a man broken.

His mind however, was far from empty. Thoughts flickered to and fro, racing about with no means or order. Memories, long forgotten, resurfaced. Such was his detachment from the present; he could not remember the drive home, the walk to his apartment, unlocking his door. All he knew was the moments long since passed, the memories that were now his only solace. It was a dream, it had to have been. It hadn't really happened; they'd been through too much…

The first time they'd met her, and knowing straight away they'd found someone special.

_ ("I heard you quit, Agent Todd."__  
__ "Happy news gets around fast. Yes, I resigned. It was the right thing to do.__ "__  
__ "Yep. Pull that crap at NCIS, I won't give you a chance to resign."__  
__ "Is that a job offer?")_

The way she smiled, especially when she thought no one was watching.

_ (__"I think she saw me. She gave me that look."_

"_What look?"_

" _The look she's always giving you.")_

Her laugh, although it was usually mocking him.

Her constant teasing of him, the bickering, the fights.

_ ("Y'know, you realize what would happen if I dropped this knife, Tony?")_

The knowledge that no matter what, she was his partner and she'd always have his six.

Her eyes, filled with fear, thinking he was dying of the plague. How she stayed with him, lied to him, even though she could have been infected.

The relief when she knew he would be ok.

_ ("__Damnit, Tony. I should just take you home and get you into bed.")_

The sound of her breathing when she slept.

He wondered what it would have been like to kiss her, just once. To hear her say, "I love you." To hold her in his arms, just once, listening to her heartbeat.

_ ("Me and Kate? Never happen."__  
__ "Why not?"__  
__ "She's too smart for that.")_

He smiled, remembering the way she would taunt him about his philandering.

_ ("__She didn't look so bad to me."__  
__** "**__It's not that. She's just not my type."__  
__** "**__Really? Female hard body who likes to take her clothes off is not your type?")__  
_The way she

_ ("Kate!")_

looked as

_ ("I just got shot at point blank range Dinozzo, what do you think.")_

she died,

_ ("Protection detail's over Kate.")_

still smiling.

_ ("Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever heard a comp-")_

And all at once, he was wrenched back to the present: the feel of her blood on his face again, burning him. He leapt and raced for the bathroom, gagging on the bile that was trying to choke him. He staggered, still caught up in the past.

Ripped open the cupboard

_ ("thought I'd die") _

and grabbed at every soap and cleanser he could

_ ("I just got shot")_

see, knowing that it would take more

(_"point blank rage")_

than just scrubbing to remove her blood

_ ("over Kate")_

from his skin.

But he tried, until his face was raw and bleeding, the sponge slipped from numb hands, and water dripped from his face. He stared into the mirror, trying to recognize the Tony he knew, in place of the empty, trembling shell that stared back.

He wondered if it was only water that ran down his cheeks, or if some of it was tears.

("_DiNozzo men don't cry.")_

He decided that he didn't care either way, she was worth the tears. He closed his eyes and tried to picture her face. He couldn't concentrate, what color were her eyes? It seemed suddenly important, more important than anything, that he remembers this.

He knew that it should have been him. He should have been the one who took the bullet, for Gibbs but ultimately for Kate. It should have been his blood staining that roof. Should be him lying on Ducky's autopsy table, cold and forever unmoving.

_ ("We are NCIS agents; there is a chance one of us dies every time we walk out that door.")_

Suddenly, he drove his fist into the mirror, shattering it. Anger, that he couldn't even recall one simple thing. Anger because Dinozzo's shouldn't feel this way, dammit! Anger, because she was dead. Because she shouldn't have died. Not then, not that way.

His energy spent, he lay, back against the bath, and slowly, the anger faded. He vowed, next time it would be him. He wouldn't watch another partner die. Sitting there, head bowed, blood trickling from sliced hands, and desperately pleaded, not again. Never again.

Kate was gone. And she'd taken a part of him with her, a part of all of them. It felt as though she'd reached in and physically ripped a hole in his chest, exposing him for the entire world to see.

She was gone, and she'd never smile at him again, never tease him. Never drink another coffee, or watch another movie. Never wait for Gibbs in the bull-pen anymore. Never laugh with Abby, or go to the basement to see Ducky. The future was ahead of him, but it was empty, devoid of Kate. He was hurt, shattered into a million pieces.

And when he finally slept

_("Kate?")_

, he dreamed

_("You look like crap, Dinozzo.")_

. And slowly,

_("I missed you too.")_

begun to heal.


End file.
